Paranoid in Pakistan

Have you ever been labeled as something that made you so uncomfortable you started to question your belief system?

A few years ago, a personality test indicated that I was paranoid.

I, the aspiring therapist, had a mini panic attack because I knew what kind of mental health disorders included paranoia as a symptom. I discussed the seemingly skewed results with my professor, and she informed me that it was common for people “from the same part of the world” as me to get higher indicators for paranoia.

The computerized personality test assessed my responses through algorithms, not accounting for my culture or upbringing. I was categorized as paranoid because it represented the closest category for my thought processes.

After thinking about all this information, my ego kicked in. Honestly, I was a little offended.

To help you better understand my hurt ego, let me first define paranoia. It is “a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance,” and it implies a “suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence or justification” (Merriam-Webster).

After reading about the delusions associated with it, you can see why I believed paranoia to be an unfair stereotype to put on people from South Asia.

However, having been to Pakistan a few weeks ago, I understand where this stereotype may have originated.

Everyone there seemed to be a little “paranoid.” An important distinction being that this paranoia isn’t derived through delusions, but rather from an ingrained belief system: the concept of nazr.

Let me first share my perception of nazr (as it’s very difficult to find an exact definition).

Simply, the word “nazr” means “glance.” The concept of nazr suggests a lack of neutrality, implying there are positive and negative energies connected to each glance. Specifically, within this concept, the energies associated with nazr have a distinct evil influence, either intentional or unintentional. A seemingly simple glance can be entangled with negative or evil influences, whether the glancing person meant for it to or not. Most commonly, this negative energy and evil influence are compared to “jealousy.”

A belief in nazr implies a conviction that these negative or evil influences effect my life. First, I have to believe that people could be “jealous” of me. Second, I have to anticipate that this negative energy, whether intentional or unintentional, can have an evil influence in my life. Third, I have to take measures to protect myself from it (i.e. say “mashAllah,” wear amulets that protect me, read specific prayers, give alms or sadqa to the poor, etc.).

Honestly, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with this belief. Who am I to think that someone could actually feel this type of “jealousy” towards me? I’m putting myself on a pedestal, especially if I take the preemptive measures to protect myself from it.

A belief in nazr implies a “suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence or justification.” I literally feel paranoid with an “exaggerated [sense of] self-importance” anticipating “unwarranted jealousy.”

In Pakistan, this belief system was not only ingrained in culture, but also in basic thought processes and behaviors. Every person I interacted with seemed to partake in this cultural phenomenon of “paranoia.”

And the most interesting thing about all of this? No one seemed to think it implied being paranoid. It was just “normal.”

This belief in nazr was learned through environment during upbringing. It was so ingrained that it seemed to impact unconscious thought processes: people acted and responded to nazr without taking any time to consciously process it (i.e. saying “mashAllah” before and after compliments, wearing emulates, etc.). This belief influences daily routines and interpersonal interactions.

I definitely do not endorse stereotypes, but I do understand why the computerized personality test labeled me as paranoid. I can admit to the parallels in the definitions of nazr and paranoia. The system analyzing my responses didn’t take into account the influencing factors (culture, upbringing, environment, belief system, etc.) and just placed a label on me.

It assessed my belief in nazr as paranoia. My answers about interpersonal relationships and I how I interacted with people were influenced by my unconscious belief in nazr. The personality test tapped into my unconscious process of thought, recognizing what I had learned from my parents and culture through decades of development.

By categorizing me with a label I didn’t want, the personality test forced me to come to terms with a belief system I’m not comfortable having.

I’m consistently on a journey to become more comfortable with things that make me uncomfortable. The wrong label forced me to think about my personal thought processes and behaviors. Now, I am better aware of what I believe in and where that belief originated. Through this awareness, I can actually decide if this is the best belief system for me.